From the brilliant John Pavlovitz.
In a land where the states are united, they claim,
in a sky-scraping tower affixed with his name,
Lived a terrible, horrible, devious chump,
the bright orange-colored miscreant known as the Trump.
This Trump he was mean, such a mean little man,
with the tiniest heart and two tinier hands,
and a thin set of lips etched in permanent curl,
and a sneer and a scowl and contempt for the world.
He looked down from his perch and he grinned ear to ear,
and he thought, “I could steal the election this year!
Why it’d be rather simple, it’s so easily won,
I’ll just make them believe that their best days are done!
Yes, I’ll make them believe that it’s all gone to Hell,
and I’ll be Jerk Messiah and their souls they will sell.
And I’ll use lots of words disconnected from truth,
but I’ll say them with style so they won’t ask for proof.
I’ll toss out random platitudes, phrases, and such,
They’re so raised on fake news that it won’t matter much!
They won’t question the how to, the what, why, or when,
I will make their America great once again!”
The Trump told them to fear, they should fear he would say,
“They’ve all come for your jobs, they’ll all take them away.
You should fear every Muslim and Mexican too,
every brown, black, and tan one, everyone who votes blue.”
And he fooled all the Christians, he fooled them indeed,
He just trotted out Jesus, that’s all Jesus folk need.
And celebrity preachers they all crowned him as king,
Tripping over themselves just to kiss the Trump’s ring.
And he spoke only lies just as if they were true,
Until they believed all of those lies were true too.
He repeated and Tweeted and he blustered and spit,
And he mislead and fibbed—and he just made up shit.
And the media laughed but they printed each line,
thinking “He’ll never will win, in the end we’ll be fine.”
So they chased every headline, bold typed every claim,
‘Till the fake news and real news they looked just the same.
And the scared folk who listened, they devoured each word,
Yes, they ate it all up every word that they heard,
petrified that their freedom was under attack,
trusting Trump he would take their America back.
From the gays and from ISIS, he’d take it all back,
Take it back from the Democrats, fat cats, and blacks.
And so hook, line, and sinker they all took the bait,
all his lies about making America great.
And the Pantsuited One she was smart and prepared,
she was brilliant and steady but none of them cared,
no they cared not to see all the work that she’d done,
or the fact they the Trump had not yet done thing one.
They could only shout “Emails!”, yes “Emails!” they’d shout,
because Fox News had told them—and Fox News had clout.
And the Pantsuited One she was slandered no end,
and a lie became truth she could never defend.
And the Trump watched it all go according to plan—
a strong woman eclipsed by an insecure man.
And November the 8th arrived, finally it came,
like a slow-moving storm but it came just the same.
And Tuesday became Wednesday as those days will do,
And the night turned to morning and the nightmare came true,
With millions of non-voters still in their beds,
Yes, the Trump he had done it, just like he had said.
And the Trumpers they trumped, how they trumped when he won,
All the racists and bigots; deplorable ones,
they crawled out of the woodwork, came out to raise Hell,
they came out to be hateful and hurtful as well.
With slurs and with road signs, with spray paint and Tweets,
with death threats to neighbors and with taunts on the street.
And the grossest of grossness they hurled on their peers,
while the Trump he said zilch—for the first time in years.
But he Tweeted at Hamilton, he Tweeted the Times,
And he trolled Alec Baldwin a few hundred times,
and he pouted a pout like a petulant kid,
thinking this is what Presidents actually did,
thinking he could still be a perpetual jerk,
terrified to learn he had to actually work,
work for every American, not just for a few,
not just for the white ones—there was much more to do.
He now worked for the Muslims and Mexicans too,
for the brown, black, and tan ones, and the ones who vote blue.
They were all now his bosses, now they all had a say,
and those nasty pantsuited ones were here to stay.
And the Trump he soon realized that he didn’t win,
He had gotten the thing—and the thing now had him.
And it turned out the Trump was a little too late,
for America was already more than quite great,
not because of the sameness, the opposite’s true,
It’s greatness far more than just red, white, and blue,
It’s straight, gay, and female—it’s Gentile and Jew,
It’s Transgender and Christian and Atheist too.
It’s Muslims and immigrants and refugees,
It’s Liberals with bleeding hearts fixed to their sleeves.
And we are all staying, we’re staying right here,
and we’ll be the great bane of the Trump for four years.
And we’ll be twice as loud as the loudness of hate,
be the greatness that makes our America great.
And the Trump’s loudest boasts they won’t ever obscure,
over two million more of us—voted for her.
I continue to hear and read comments from people talking about Trump. Saying things like: “She lost. Get over it. Suck it up, buttercup.” And: “Things can’t possibly go as bad as you think they will.” And: “He hasn’t even taken office yet. Won’t you just give him a chance?”
That last one is the one that sticks in my craw. This election has profoundly changed me. I’ve seen people’s true colors, I no longer suffer fools gladly, and I’ve forgotten the words to “Kum-ba-yah.” The “give him a chance” people have forgotten how horrifically they treated President Obama and his family for eight long years.
But I’m a reasonable man. I’d consider giving Clownstick a chance if one, only one conservative Republican came up to me and said something like the following:
“You know, we were really too hard on President Obama. We gave him a pounding that he or any other President never deserved. We whipped up people’s hostility about him being the first black President. We spread lies, claiming he planned to do things that he never even thought of doing. We agreed among ourselves to block everything he tried to do, and even boasted about it openly. The things he was able to do, we whittled and chipped away at so that it didn’t come close to what he intended. We insulted and demeaned his wife and daughters. We even told the world that he wasn’t even born in this country.
“We screwed up, and I am very sorry. I wish we hadn’t done those things. Obama was actually a very good President. In particular, I’d like to commend him for the following acts: (fill in blanks here).”
If just one conservative Republican would say these things to me, and sincerely mean them, I would just as sincerely consider lightening up on Trump and giving him the chance they denied Obama. That’s all it would take.
Thursday night, an individual speaking under condition of anonymity alleged that President-Elect Donald J. Trump eats his own boogers.
Is it true? We don’t know. But apparently people are saying it. It is certainly worth investigating. If true, this sets a terrible example for American children and our allies around the world.
Won’t you please help spread the word about how Donald Trump eats his own boogers? Please share. Our fellow citizens deserve to know. Thank you, and God bless the United States of America.
I’ve been told by those who know these things that tonight, the night before Thanksgiving, is the busiest night of the year for bars, taverns, and nightclubs. If you’re hitting the town tonight please be mindful of this and be extra kind to your greeter, bartender, server, and bus help.
And as always – tomorrow, if you need to purchase anything – gas for the car, a coffee, some ingredient that was overlooked – please thank the person who serves you. We’re able to enjoy our holiday because they are working on theirs. It doesn’t have to be over the top; just say something like, “Thanks for working today. It’s making my day easier.”
Just my .02. Word to the herd.
I’ve been scratching my head for about a week now wondering where is the explosion of outrage against a candidate who promised them the moon, sun, and stars.
Thoughtful voters who believed they were backing a candidate of integrity, who’s not “just another career politician,” should be livid about this.
Guess what? They’re not. They don’t give a fat rat’s ass. So what are they getting for their loyalty?
Cover. They get cover for their once-again legitimized bigotry, racism, misogyny, homophobia, and xenophobia. Nothing else matters to them, apparently – they just want agency to insult and demean people not like themselves.
They never ever believed he’ll deliver what he promised. They don’t give two shits if he does. They got what they crave: permission to be assholes.
A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish when she went to see her gynecologist. “Now, now,” the doctor told the woman. “I’ve been your doctor for years. There’s nothing you can’t tell me.”
“I don’t know,” she said. “This one is kind of strange.”
“I’m sure it’s nothing I haven’t heard before,” the doctor replied soothingly. “Please tell me.”
“Well, okay,” the woman began. “Yesterday morning I went to the bathroom, and I heard a sound, plink-plink-plink, in the bowl. I took a look, and the water was full of pennies.”
“I see,” said the doctor. “Go on.”
“That afternoon I went to the bathroom again, and plink-plink-plink, the water was full of nickels,” she continued. “Before bed I went again. And plink-plink-plink, the water was full of dimes.”
“Interesting,” said the doctor. “Anything else?”
“Oh, yes,” she replied. “Just this morning I went again, and plink-plink-plink, the water was full of quarters! Doctor, you’ve got to tell me what’s wrong! I’m scared out of my wits!”
The doctor put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “There, there,” he reassured her. “It’s nothing to be scared about…”
“You’re simply going through the change.”