Things Republicans Teach Their Kids

THINGS REPUBLICANS TEACH THEIR KIDS

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The House GOP’s new slogan. This is not a joke.

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Image from democraticunderground.com

Behold the new slogan for the Republicans in the US House of Representatives: “BETTER OFF NOW.”

Don’t laugh; they just made a spelling error.

It should be “BUGGER OFF NOW.”

 

 


That’s right: you didn’t think.

My dad had a saying, back in the day. If my brother or I messed something up, and we tried to explain it to him by saying, “Well, I didn’t think it would (fill in the blank),” he would reply, “That’s right: you didn’t think!”

It should be obvious to everyone now that the right wing doesn’t think things through.

When you treat black athletes kneeling as “disrespectful” to America, but do or say nothing about confederate flags and Nazi flags being waved alongside the US flag…

When you yell “All Lives Matter!”, but shrug and run away when refugee children need help…

When you treat Muslims and immigrants as some sort of super-danger, but do nothing when white non-Muslim native-born men are slaughtering innocent people in churches, movie theaters, and schools…

When the same evangelicals who supported the disastrous Iraq War “because it’s the End Times” are now celebrating the current government regime…

When you demand “respect,” but vote for the most disrespectful President in American history…

Did you think people weren’t going to notice the inconsistencies, contradictions, and hypocrisy? Did you think people were going to be OK with the disparity and double standards? Did you think we should just show you “civility,” after you have rejected it for so long?

That’s right: you didn’t think.

(With acknowledgment to blogger ck4829.)


Slightly risqué joke for a Friday.

A race of aliens visits Earth one day. They come in peace; and, surprisingly, they speak perfect English.

Obviously it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event. All of the heads of world government and all the religious leaders want to speak to the aliens. So a meeting is set up.

Leaders from across the globe each get a turn to question the aliens. When it’s the Pope’s turn, he asks, “Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?”

“You mean J.C?” responds one of the aliens. “Yeah, we know him! He’s the greatest, isn’t he? J.C. swings by every year to make sure that we are doing okay.”

The Pope is flabbergasted, as are the rest of the dignitaries. After a few awkward moments the Pope follows up by asking, “He visits every year?! It’s been more than two millennia for us, and we’re still awaiting his SECOND coming!”

The alien sees that the Pope is rattled by this, and tries to soften the blow. “Gee, I don’t know,” he replies. “Maybe he likes our chocolates better than yours?”

“Chocolates? What are you talking about?” the Pope says, incredulously. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, when J.C. first visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates,” the alien says. “Why? What did you guys do?”


The World Of Unanticipated Consequences

With Justice Kennedy retiring, and Doofus getting ready to appoint Ted Nugent (or some other legal genius) to the Supreme Court, many people (myself included) are fearing the reversal of Roe v Wade.

Welcome to the part of the show we call “The World Of Unanticipated Consequences.”

If the evangelicals get their fevered wet dream, if Roe is reversed and abortion is outlawed, what will be the consequence? Simple, really, if you think about it:

MASSIVE TAX INCREASES IN ALL 50 STATES.

States will need to prepare for large tax increases that will be needed to build new schools and hire more teachers.

States have gotten used to low birth rates. The tax increases will need to start on the very day abortions are outlawed, because finding the land and building the new schools will take time.

Increased budgets for hiring more teachers will be needed in five to six years. That should also be included in the planning.

So outlawing abortions will lead to massive tax increases. Hope you’re ready for that, right wingers.

This has been “The World Of Unanticipated Consequences.”


For those who need their names


Joke of the day.

A man and woman are dining in a restaurant. They’re obviously in love, and things are becoming serious in their relationship.

A violinist is playing romantic music. The lights in the restaurant are dimmed down low.

The man fidgets nervously and says, “Honey, I’m.. ah, I’m not sure how to say this.”

The woman smiles, holds back some tears, and responds, “Just say it.”

The man picks up a bottle from the table and says, “Wor-Chester-Shire.”