Punchlines to some of my favorite jokes: Part II

This is a sequel to my previous post.

“But I like the way you think.”

“Why all the long faces?”

“Their eyes are open now.”

“But Big Bertha has seniority!”

“Then I’d be a Republican.”

“But Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!”

“Okay, okay! I’ll do the dishes.”

“They’re complimentary.”

“And the radio switched to Rush Limbaugh.”

“What’s the matter? Don’t you like girls?”

“Do you suppose I should have said DiMaggio?”

“You know what? I have another pair at home just like it.”

“”I don’t want to sound like a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms.”

“That’s an awfully big word for a six-year-old.”

“A small medium at large.”

“Well, I sure as hell don’t want those damn corn flakes.”

“Oh, I make a good living.”

“But he uses one of those yellow highlighters!”

“…and he had no health insurance.”

“Who’s Jim, and why can’t he get his own shoes?”

“It was just a little flat.”

“Some guys don’t know how to tell them.”

“Do you smell carrots?”

“Too late, asshole.”

“Now what’s your third question?”

“So what’s the catch?”

“They taste funny.”

“I’m telling everybody.”

“But I keep a picture of her in my wallet.”

“Well, maybe she didn’t see the email.”

“Why? What happened at 8:30?”

“Name the horse!”

“Wrong key.”

“Well, at least I don’t have cancer.”

“The husband yells, ‘Watch out for the wall!'”

“It took him two hours to pass me the salt.”

“I dunno, it all happened so fast.”

“‘But,’ the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.'”

Check here for Part III.

(image from zazzle.com)