Logic puzzles: “Dear Audrey”

I used to write logic puzzles. From 2001 through 2006 several dozen of my creations were published in “Dell Logic Puzzles” magazine. (I notice now it’s been rechristened “Dell Logic Problems.” Not sure of the significance of the name change.) I really like solving them, and writing them. Haven’t written one for a long time, but will probably do up a few more.

I wrote this one back in the summer of 2001. I figure I can post this, I wrote the doggone thing.

So try and solve it. Send me a message with your email addy, and I’ll provide the answer.

“Dear Audrey”

Each and every morning, hundreds of thousands of newspaper readers turn to the column written by everyone’s favorite advice-giver, “Dear Audrey.” Troubled souls far and wide write letters to Audrey asking her sage advice on a wide range of topics. This week, Audrey answered queries from seven readers who each have a different problem (one has a roommate who snores). Real names are never given in Audrey’s column; instead, letter writers are identified by a pen name (one is “Freaked Out in Fargo”). And of course Audrey always provides just the right advice for each reader’s dilemma, capped off with one of her trademark irascible reprimands (one reader was told, “No matter how you slice it, that’s baloney!”). Can you determine which pen name is attached to each problem, and the words of admonishment each reader received with Audrey’s advice?

1. Two readers wrote about distant family weddings (one was invited to such a wedding, and the other was not); they are “Puzzled in Poughkeepsie” and “Embarrassed in Evanston” in some order.
2. Two readers wrote about blind dates (one is constantly being asked out on them, and the other never is); they are “Distressed in Dubuque” and “Uncertain in Utica” in some order.
3. The reader who found a perfumed note on the boss’ desk and the one whose neighbor plays the tympani all night were told to “run to the store and get a life” and to “call a detective and get a clue,” in some order.
4. “Wake up and smell the pancakes!” was Audrey’s admonishment to “Distressed in Dubuque”.
5. “Embarrassed in Evanston” was told to “wise up and do your homework.”
6. The reader who is constantly asked out on blind dates was told to “pay the piper and face the music.”
7. “Troubled in Tupelo” wrote about finding a perfumed note on the boss’ desk.
8. “Nervous in Norwalk” was told to “run to the store and get a life.”
9. The reader who was not invited to the distant family wedding was told to “turn the dial and listen to the score.”