The Rejection Letter

(Reprinted from The Harvard Lampoon Online.)

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Dear Brent,

It is with sincere regret that I must inform you that I cannot go out with you. Though dinner on Saturday sounds enticing, I am unable to accept your offer at this time.

You should know that this year I had a record number of people asking me out, and the pool was exceptionally strong. I was unable therefore to accommodate many qualified people. I am only one woman!

People asking me out this year came from all fifty states and thirty-seven foreign countries. They included a record number of underrepresented minorities, athletes of thirty-two NCAA-recognized sports, a Scripps National Spelling Bee Champion, and several downright hotties. This year, for the first time, I will go out with more women than men, truly an important moment in my history.

Thank you so much for your interest, and please let me know if you have any questions or concerns. Although I am unable to accommodate you at this time, I offer best wishes for your future success with the woman you eventually enter.


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