Sense of humor ≠ babe magnet

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“The worst bass player in rock’n’roll gets laid more than the best comedian.” – Jon Stewart

“Value is a prerequisite to humor.  If girls don’t laugh at your jokes it isn’t because you aren’t funny; it’s because you aren’t high-value enough.” – laidnyc

“There’s a joke here somewhere, and it’s on me.” – Bruce Springsteen

Her: “I’d love to meet a guy with a great sense of humor.”
Him: “Okay.. A priest, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says..”
Her: “…. YAWN ….”

Women think guys they are attracted to are hilarious. You’ve all seen it: go to any party and you will find a woman cackling hysterically at some douche-nozzle’s douchey jokes that aren’t particularly funny. The Conventional Wisdom ™ is that women love funny guys. A guy who can make her laugh will make her feel good, so that’s what will win her heart. The various Nationally Advertised Dating Websites ® put up posts about it just about all the time, so it must be true, right? Right…?

Well, it’s kind of true, but in a bizarre Alice-Through-The-Looking-Glass, chicken-and-egg sort of weird alchemy. Not in a way that will help if you don’t already have the benefit of attraction going in your favor.

The woman cackling at the douche-nozzle at the party? She thinks his jokes are funny. She thinks he’s Bill Burr, Chris Rock, and Louis CK all wrapped up in one. Why? Because, sadly, she’s conflating cause and effect. Though she believes she’s attracted to funny guys, she’s got it backwards. She actually thinks attractive guys are funny… whether they are or not. She feels attraction to him, and everyone tells her funny guys are attractive, so..  voilá.. he’s the next Jerry Seinfeld, even if he’s telling jokes remembered from his junior-high cafeteria.

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So developing the sense of humor, the wry one-liners, the flawless comic timing won’t help you attract the woman. If she’s already attracted to you, however, she’ll attribute those qualities to you even if you’re reciting knock-knock jokes you copied onto your palm from the back pages of Reader’s Digest. (“Laughter: The Best Medicine,” my ass. What, they never heard of penicillin?!)

It’s great to be funny. The world needs more funny. It’s a great skill if you have it naturally, and great to cultivate it if you don’t. Seriously, be funny. Just don’t let yourself believe that it’s the Golden Road to Relationship Success. Don’t let the joke be on you.

Ain’t this the truth.

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The Truth About Cats And Dogs

If you want unconditional love, get a dog.

If you want to live with a narcissist, get a cat. – Mike Wilson

The story of my life, in one simple picture.


Once I find out where this is from, I will credit it.



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“There’s no free lessons.”

My dad, the wisest man I will ever know, said this to us quite often. Originally it was when we’d bought something second-rate, got hit with an unexpected expense, or “loaned” money to one of our deadbeat friends. But over time the advice got applied to investments of time, emotion,  effort, or commitment.

There are no free lessons. Everything we learn costs us something. And when the cost is dearer, the more profoundly we learn the lesson. That was part of Dad’s point: the lessons that stick with you longest are the ones in which you’ve invested the most time, treasure, effort, and/or emotion. Did the cost sting a bit? A little sticker shock? Good, then you’ve learned the lesson. Maybe.

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Life is where we take the test before we’ve learned the lesson. Buddhists say that when the student is ready, the master will appear. And it seems the master repeats the test until we finally pass. Then we learn the lesson. Rudimentary lessons are quickly learned and allow us to move on. More complex lessons may need more repetition, sometimes over an entire lifetime. Got it yet? No? Okay, we’ll go over it again.

This has been a year of cold, uncomfortable lessons. I hope I graduate soon. But as my dad was also fond of saying: we won’t know until we find out.

One of my new favorite blogs.

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Male Minded. Highest possible recommendation. Incredibly profound wisdom for men and women (relationship and otherwise), conveyed in easy-to-digest graphic spoonfuls.

There are a couple hundred of them. These are a few of my favorites, but you really can only get the full picture from going there and seeing them for yourself.

6. I behave as if you’re always by my side. You do the same, please.

15. Smell good. Best bang for the buck.

21. The moment you become satisfied is the moment you start to fail.

26. Being funny makes you attractive. Trying to be funny makes you less attractive.

36. Boys: immature. Guys: jerks. Men: rare.

38. Don’t be mad that he doesn’t take a hint. Be mad that you’re dating an idiot. (Or the fact that you suck at hinting.)

39. I regret: letting her make the first move.

40. If you’re the guy she’s cheating with, she’ll cheat on you too.

51. Having a hot but annoying girlfriend is like having a Ferrari that gets -12 mpg.

60. Cheating on someone who loves you is like sneaking a Happy Meal into Olive Garden. It’s like, dude, you already have unlimited breadsticks.

66. If he farts around you, he’s not interested in you.

71. Your life doesn’t belong to you. The decisions you make affect other people.

78. Desperation only ends up with you settling for less.

81. Holding her hand in public is another way of saying you’re proud of her.

84. Love is deaf. You can’t just tell someone you love them. You have to show it.

94. If you ever sent him a picture, he still has it.

100. Don’t act hard-to-get if you’re hard to want.

104. The power of the relationship belongs to the person who cares less.

118. The more boyfriends you’ve had, the lower your success rate.

130, Most of the time, saying “let’s stay friends” is like saying  “the dog died, but let’s keep the body anyway.”

132. I’ve never accidentally lost the number of a girl I was into.  Guys lose numbers when they lose interest.

136. Boyfriends are not get-out-of-slut-free cards.

147. Long-distance relationships: Inconveniently the most effective way to find out if you really love each other. (It will either make you or break you.)

157. If you want to get revenge, you’re not over them. You’re just proving that you still give a fuck what they think.

165. Drink pineapple juice.

180. Don’t go looking for a relationship. Desperation is not only a turn-off but usually ends up with you settling for something less.

187. Don’t date someone you can’t see yourself marrying. If you can‘t, you’re using them.

193. Keep their number on your phone so you know when not to pick it up.

194. If it didn’t work the first time, it’s probably not going to work the second time.

197. A woman worth spending money on is one who doesn’t require you to.

204. If you care about her, she has the ability to demoralize you.

In need of a “Calvin and Hobbes” fix.

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More on “Calvin and Hobbes” here.

Follow up to “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.”

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Liba Pearson is a talented and insightful writer on an eclectic range of topics. One of her recent articles included some wisdom that supports my post of a few days ago. See if you agree.

It’s essential that – beyond whatever feelings of despair you may feel on the surface – you remain aware that somewhere, deep down, there is a kernel of hope. If you can’t find it, keep looking.

Hindsight is a beautiful thing, but it’s not readily available to you while you negotiate an emotional morass. Focus on the knowledge that, given time, you’ll be able to look back on your experience and take important lessons from it. Intellectually acknowledge that you will take something positive out of the pain you’re feeling now, even if just now you haven’t the foggiest notion of what it is.

You have to trust that, in time, everything will become clear. Until then, pretend. You’ll be amazed at how much acting like you feel a certain way helps you actually feel that way.

Don’t stay where you’re not wanted.

Don’t be afraid to leave situations, places, and people who don’t welcome you; who don’t cherish you. Don’t stay where you’re not wanted. Leave and let go. You can’t force anyone to love you or want you in life. When you leave, “shake the dust off your feet.” That’s right – don’t leave any residue or trace of them in your life any more. They are not worthy of you and the gifts you could have given them. And don’t feel guilty. They rejected you. Leave in peace. – Heidi Helen

Another lesson learned (or re-learned). A man does not return to a place where he’s been told he’s not wanted. This is the behavior of a little lost puppy. Even if it gets the little lost puppy a bit of what he wants, the puppy has to whimper and degrade himself to get it. A man has the integrity, dignity, and self-respect to not act in a degrading way.

That is all.