Joke of the day.

Image from squonkblog.blogspot.com

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender serves the drink, and suddenly to everyone’s surprise the guy throws the drink in the bartender’s face.

The bartender is stunned. Wiping off his face he asks, “Hey, buddy. Why did you do that?”

The guy says, “Oh, sir, I’m so embarrassed. I really didn’t mean to do that. You see, I have an embarrassing psychosomatic condition that I can’t control. I really feel embarrassed; I hope you’ll please forgive me.”

The bartender takes pity on the guy and says, “You know, I have a psychiatrist friend who I think can help you. Here’s his number. You should call him. He can help you get over your embarrassing problem.” The guy thanks the bartender profusely and slinks out of the bar.

Months go by, and one day the same guy walks back into the bar. The bartender recognizes the guy and asks, “So did you ever go and see my psychiatrist friend?”

“Yes, I did!” the guy replies. “I see him twice a week, and it’s been going great! Thank you so much!”

The bartender beams and sets down a pint of beer in front of the guy. And suddenly to everyone’s surprise the guy throws it in the bartender’s face.

Shocked, the bartender says, “Hey, buddy. I thought you were getting help with your problem!”

“I am,” the guy replies. “I no longer feel embarrassed!”

Joke of the day.

Image from publicaddresssystems.org

Once upon a time there was a very large office building in a very large city. This building had 30 floors: floor 1, floor 2, floor 3, floor 4, floor 5, floor 6, floor 7, floor 8, floor 9, floor 10, floor 11, floor 12, floor 13, floor 14, floor 15, floor 16, floor 17, floor 18, floor 19, floor 20, floor 21, floor 22, floor 23, floor 24, floor 25, floor 26, floor 27, floor 28, floor 29, and floor 30.

One day the owner of the building decided to get a PA system installed on every floor, in case there was ever a fire and everyone in the building needed to be contacted at once. The system was installed on every floor: floor 1, floor 2, floor 3, floor 4, floor 5, floor 6, floor 7, floor 8, floor 9, floor 10, floor 11, floor 12, floor 13, floor 14, floor 15, floor 16, floor 17, floor 18, floor 19, floor 20, floor 21, floor 22, floor 23, floor 24, floor 25, floor 26, floor 27, floor 28, floor 29, and floor 30.

One day, an employee named John was doing some paperwork on the 21st floor when he saw the pager for the PA system in his boss’s office. He could not resist. He picked up the pager, turned it on, cleared his throat, and told a joke.

It was funniest joke anyone in the building had ever heard. They were rolling in the aisles, laughing their heads off. The accountants on floor 3 were in tears. The engineers on floor 24 were in hysterics. In fact, workers on every floor — floor 1, floor 2, floor 3, floor 4, floor 5, floor 6, floor 7, floor 8, floor 9, floor 10, floor 11, floor 12, floor 13, floor 14, floor 15, floor 16, floor 17, floor 18, floor 19, floor 20, floor 21, floor 22, floor 23, floor 24, floor 25, floor 26, floor 27, floor 28, floor 29, and floor 30 — could not stop laughing.

John walked out the door of his boss’s office, feeling all proud of himself, when who should he run into but his boss. “John, come with me now!” John reluctantly followed his boss back into his office. His boss looked at him with fury in his eyes.

“John,” he said, “your joke was very disruptive to the workers in this building! Productivity was decreased on floor 1, floor 2, floor 3, floor 4, floor 5, floor 6, floor 7, floor 8, floor 9, floor 10, floor 11, floor 12, floor 13, floor 14, floor 15, floor 16, floor 17, floor 18, floor 19, floor 20, floor 21, floor 22, floor 23, floor 24, floor 25, floor 26, floor 27, floor 28, floor 29, and floor 30! You’re fired! Clean out your desk and get out!”

But then his frown softened and he added, “Still, I have to admit…

…that joke was funny on so many levels.”

Joke of the day.

A Swiss tourist, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.

“Entschuldigen Sie, sprechen Sie Deutsch?” he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.

He tries again. “Excusez-moi, parlez-vous Français?” The two continue to stare.

“Mi scusi, lei parla italiano?” he asked. No response.

“Disculpe, habla usted Español?” Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.”

“Why?” asked the second. “That guy spoke four languages, and it didn’t do him any good.”