Slightly risqué joke of the day

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish when she went to see her gynecologist. “Now, now,” the doctor told the woman. “I’ve been your doctor for years. There’s nothing you can’t tell me.”

“I don’t know,” she said. “This one is kind of strange.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing I haven’t heard before,” the doctor replied soothingly. “Please tell me.”

“Well, okay,” the woman began. “Yesterday morning I went to the bathroom, and I heard a sound, plink-plink-plink, in the bowl. I took a look, and the water was full of pennies.”

“I see,” said the doctor. “Go on.”

“That afternoon I went to the bathroom again, and plink-plink-plink, the water was full of nickels,” she continued. “Before bed I went again. And plink-plink-plink, the water was full of dimes.”

“Interesting,” said the doctor. “Anything else?”

“Oh, yes,” she replied. “Just this morning I went again, and plink-plink-plink, the water was full of quarters! Doctor, you’ve got to tell me what’s wrong! I’m scared out of my wits!”

The doctor put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “There, there,” he reassured her. “It’s nothing to be scared about…”

“You’re simply going through the change.”


“Canada. It’s YUUUUUUGE.”

“I love Canada. I’m very popular there, believe me. The people love me. They welcome me into their igloos. And we share glasses of maple syrup. It’s excellent. It’s the best. But, folks, they have a country full of foreigners right in the middle. They all speak French, you have no idea what they’re saying. Although I’m sure many of them are good people, I think they should build a wall around it, just until they know what the hell is going on. I look forward to meeting with their new President, Justin Bieber.”


Help us help you, Donald.

hillary-hurt-you


Donald J. Trump, Will You Please Go NOW!

51l0ni45amlThe time has come.
The time is now.
Just go. Go. GO!
I don’t care how.

You can go by foot.
You can go by cow.
Donald J. Trump, will you please go now!

You can go on skates.
You can go on skis.
You can go in a hat.
But please go.
Please!

I don’t care.
You can go by bike.
You can go by Trump Airlines if you like.
If you like you can go in an old blue shoe.
Just go, go, GO!
Please do, do, DO!

Donald J. Trump, I don’t care how.
Donald J. Trump, will you please GO NOW!

You can go by balloon……or zeppelin.
OR You can go by camel with a Muslim guide.
You can go by school bus……or jet.
I don’t care how you go.
Just GET!

Get a witches’ broom.
You can go with a……………..BOOM!
Donald, Donald, Donald!
Will you leave this room!

Donald J. Trump!
I don’t care HOW.
Donald J. Trump!
Will you please GO NOW!

I said GO and GO I prayed….
The time had come.
BUT…Donald STAYED.


The Art Of Parody

“Little Douche Coupe”

Well, I’m not bragging, man, so don’t put me down
But everyone I know thinks I’m a real ass clown
When I get into my car, you know, I don’t even try
If I see you need a lift, I just wave bye-bye
It’s my little douche coupe
You don’t know what I got

Just a little douche coupe, man, as you can see
The stereo plays nothing but Kenny G
When I pull in front of you, man, I become a jerk
I drive super-duper slow to make you late for work
It’s my little douche coupe
You don’t know what I got

It’s got a combination clutch and four-on-the-floor
And late at night I rev the engine right by your front door
And if that ain’t enough to make you flip your lid
There’s one more thing, I got a big sub-woofer

I park in handicapped, though I walk just great
And I always blast my horn when picking up my date
And just in case you think that I’m a caring chump
Bumper sticker on the back says I’m voting for Trump
It’s my little douche coupe
You don’t know what I got


That omnipotent master of the East…. Carnac The Magnificent

1374536704000-Carnac-Master-Photo-NUP-108128-0003-1307230909_3_4A: Rip Van Winkle, W.C. Fields, and Donald Trump.

Q: Name a snoozer, a boozer, and a loser.

 


Yogi Bear: The Blooper Reel

With great appreciation for Bill Hanna, Joe Barbara, and Joe Alaskey (who came up with the gag).

yogi-bear-boo-boo-456b-012811 bw