Baking some gingerbread this morning from a mix.

Image from

Image from

Kind of a holiday tradition.

The directions on the box say: “Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, or until a fork inserted in center comes out clean.” So I inserted a fork in the center.

It came out so clean that I inserted all the dirty forks from the sink, and they all came out clean too.

Slightly tasteless Christmas joke

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Image from

At a Christmas Eve service, the preacher was telling his congregation that the entirety of the human experience could be found in the Bible. Anything they could think of, old or new, he said, was discussed somewhere in the Bible, and every aspect of our daily lives will be addressed there.

After the service, he was approached by a middle-aged husband who said, “Preacher, I don’t believe the Bible mentions PMS.”

The preacher smiled, opened his Bible, and began to read: ” . . . and Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Bethlehem.”

Song on the supermarket loudspeaker: “I wish every day was Christmas.”


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No, you don’t.

Can you imagine if every single day, week after week, year after year, was Christmas?! Shopping to give people presents every day? Decorating your home and preparing Christmas dinner every day? Arranging time off of work and traveling to visit friends and family? Virtually every business and office closed? Plus all of your favorite TV shows postponed, and nothing but Christmas songs on the radio… forever?!

And what about poor Santa? Having to make that trip every single night of the year?

More importantly, you’d soon get sick of it being Christmas. Holiday fatigue would set in; too much of a good thing. It would become just another dopey, predictable, routine drudge. “Oh, man, Christmas again already. I’m barely recovered from yesterday’s Christmas…”

“After a while turkeys got to be awfully scarce, selling for about a thousand dollars apiece. They got to passing off almost anything for turkeys–even half-grown hummingbirds. And cranberries–well, they asked a diamond apiece for cranberries. All the woods and orchards were cut down for Christmas trees. After a while they had to make Christmas trees out of rags. But there were plenty of rags, because people got so poor, buying presents for one another, that they couldn’t get any new clothes, and they just wore their old ones to tatters.” – From “Christmas Every Day” by William Dean Howells

No, it’s probably a very good thing that every day is NOT Christmas.

Halloween post-mortem

Image from Facebook

Image from Facebook

On Halloween night I regularly get hundreds of trick or treaters, literally hundreds, on my street. At times I’ve had to have someone keep giving out candy at the front door while I dashed out the back door to get more.

I was running a bit late this year, and for several reasons had neglected to get any trick or treat candy. On the way home Friday night I stopped at the local supermarket and scored the last six or seven bags off the depleted, Soviet Union-looking candy shelf. Went home, got organized, opened the door, switched on the porch light, sat in my living room, and got ready.

Net result: about a dozen kids.

Next year, I swear: just look at the photo.

Here you go, kiddies.

Image from Facebook

Image from Facebook

A few days early, but this is my favorite Easter song.

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Vernal equinox

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“You know what Thursday is?” asked the cashier at the convenience store. “It’s the vernal equinox. You know what that means?”

I knew, but I wanted to hear her answer. So I said no.

“The first day of spring,” she chirped. “You know what that means?” Click here for more.