A friend of mine started a business where he sells trampolines to fortune-tellers.
He says prophets are going through the roof!
“Excuse me, miss,” the man asks, “but do you keep stationery?”
“Well,” she blushes, “sometimes I wiggle around a bit…”
A Southerner goes into a bar in New England. He asks the bartender, “Did y’all go to Harvard?”
The bartender says, “Yale.”
“Okay,” says the Southerner. “DID Y’ALL GO TO HARVARD?”
“I believe the Americans pronounce that word ‘happiness’.”
“I had to walk home.”
“She was talking to the doctor!” Click here for more.
A grade-school teacher decided to broaden her students’ horizons by teaching a lesson on sensory perception. She brought in an assortment of different-flavored Life Savers and instructed the kids to close their eyes. Then she went around to each desk and handed out the Life Savers, one flavor at a time, which the kids popped into their mouths. Click here for more.
The guy is a little bothered by that comment. “Doc,” he asks, “do you think I’ll live to be eighty?” Click here for more.
A midget walks into the police station and says, “Someone just picked my pocket.”
The duty cop replies, “I can’t believe someone would stoop so low.”
A guy goes to the pet shop and buys a parrot. He brings it home but is shocked to learn that the parrot has a poor attitude and knows nothing but four-letter words.
For weeks the guy tries everything he can think of to change the bird’s attitude and clean up its talk. Nothing works. In fact it gets worse and worse. Click here for more.
A cultural archaeologist visits a remote, secluded tropical village. The local chieftain leads him on a tour, seeing all the sights and meeting with the residents.
Throughout the tour, the archaeologist hears drums pounding incessantly in the distance. At one point he asks the chieftain, “What are those drums?” The chieftain looks troubled but replies, “When the drums stop, bad things happen.” Click here for more.