That omnipotent master of the East…. Carnac The Magnificent

1374536704000-Carnac-Master-Photo-NUP-108128-0003-1307230909_3_4A: Rip Van Winkle, W.C. Fields, and Donald Trump.

Q: Name a snoozer, a boozer, and a loser.



So. It has come to this.


Hunter S. Thompson wrote this back in 1972.

“This may be the year when we finally come face to face with ourselves; finally just lay back and say it—that we are really just a nation of 220 million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns, and no qualms at all about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable… Jesus! Where will it end? How low do you have to stoop in this country to be President?”


Check this out. Through my sources I was able to get a copy of a syllabus from a class at Trump University. These things are guarded like Fort Knox gold, so you can imagine how excited I am to take a look at this.

This is from a class called “International Business Policy 101.” Herewith is the entire class syllabus –

Image from

Image from

Day 1: Kiss Vladimir Putin’s left buttcheek
Day 2: Kiss Vladimir Putin’s right buttcheek
Day 3: Here’s your diploma

Who says Trump won’t create jobs?

“Boris, dahlink, vhat ees nefarious assignment for today?”

“Ees simple, Natasha! Vhile moose and squirrel are at Democratic convention, Fearless Leader says ve must make America great again! Meh-heh-heh-heh!”

Great Moments In Presidential Politics

Image from Vanity Fair

Image from Vanity Fair

Student Council Election

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Image from

It struck me recently that this year’s Presidential race reminds me of a junior high student council election. One candidate was nominated as a prank because he sits in back of the classroom, calls people names, and throws spit balls.

The other was nominated because she’s a girl, she’s run several other times and, doggone it, it’s her turn.

Another candidate has been in student council since seventh grade. He has some great ideas about how to improve the school. But he was rejected, because he’s just a big nerd.

The current student council president is well-liked by almost everyone. He is endorsing the girl, because they’re in the same pep club together.

And one of the other candidates wants to lead prayer services three times each school day, and close half of the girls’ bathrooms. Everyone thinks he’s a weirdo.

Donald Trump = The Music Man.

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I got inspired by a conversation on Democratic Underground this morning.

Remember “The Music Man”? Robert Preston? “Seventy-Six Trombones?” And “Trouble Right Here in River City?”

Image from tumblr

Donald Trump is The Music Man. Professor Harold Hill – a self-proclaimed expert and braggart.

Image from weebly

He’s a con man who stopped by to bilk some money, get some attention, and hit the road before people realized they were being conned. But the story blew up, he’s now fully in the limelight, and he can’t do anything but double down on the con – because there’s no way out that won’t pop the balloon he’s constructed. Unless there’s some scandal or controversy, he has no choice but to pump in more and more hot air to keep the con going.

“There were walls all around
But they never stopped no Mexicans
No, they never stopped them at all
Till there was meeeeee….”

Vote for Vice President in 2016.

I had an online political discussion this morning with a friend, an intelligent and thoughtful woman with extensive firsthand knowledge about the workings of Washington. Not surprisingly, the discussion was about the two presumptive Presidential nominees. I lamented to her the following:

“This time around, I wish I was voting FOR someone rather than AGAINST Donald Trump.”

I pondered this for most of the day, chewed on it like a hungry puppy with a Nylabone. Then, as if by divine grace, I had an epiphany. I knew what to do.

This fall, I am going to vote for Vice President.

I’m quite serious. It is very likely that neither of the presumptive nominees will still be President by 2020.

Hillary is already under investigation by the FBI about the private email server. These lads don’t give out slaps on the wrist. There’s also the possibility of an investigation of money-changing at the Clinton Foundation. Even if nothing comes of these investigations, it will divert a ginormous amount of her time and energy. In addition, she made an assload of money giving speeches to Goldman Sachs and other investment firms – who don’t typically give out assloads of money without expecting a ROI – and has stubbornly refused to release the transcripts of these speeches, which has not played well with the Democratic branch of the Democratic Party. Plus, and maybe most importantly, House Republicans have ALREADY began drawing up articles of impeachment for Hillary, and they don’t exactly dilly-dally. She will have an enormously difficult time getting through the term, and anyone who does not recognize this is either naive or willfully deceived.

Trump? Judas Priest on a popsicle stick, he’s given us at least 20 good reasons to impeach his sorry ass already. And the pressure to impeach won’t be coming just from the Dems — there are plenty of Reeps who will be eager to see him go down as well. It’s questionable whether his candidacy will survive the GOP convention. Plus he’s under investigation too, about Trump University, and he hasn’t exactly helped his cause by openly insulting federal judges. Plus he refuses to release his tax returns, and it’s not hard to figure out why. And just as importantly, Trump may very well get overwhelmed and/or bored – and decide to bail. He has the attention span of a goldfish. Though it’s dangerous to underestimate the carnival barker, the odds are good he also may not see 2020 in the White House.

So where does that leave us? Vice Presidential candidates. I’ll lay you odds-on that Hillary’s Veep will be in the Oval Office in 2020, 8 to 5 for Trump’s Veep. The party who puts up the better Vice Presidential candidate will get my vote in November. And as a life long yellow dog Dem, it pains me to realize it may mean a vote for the dark side.

So there you have it. A simple, airtight, and elegant solution. I won’t be voting AGAINST Trump – I’ll be voting FOR the best Veep.

Feels good. I will sleep well tonight.