Buyer beware: A device that doesn’t suck

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even when it’s supposed to.

I have a basement full of water due to the monsoon we are currently experiencing in Minnesota.

I bought a device to rid myself of the water (to keep me from getting my ass sued, I will disclose the brand name and model by individual request only).

It doesn’t suck.

Obviously, the impeller blades are made from the finest, daintiest, most exquisite French tissue paper. Ooh-la-la.

That is all.