Slightly risqué joke for a Friday.

A race of aliens visits Earth one day. They come in peace; and, surprisingly, they speak perfect English.

Obviously it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event. All of the heads of world government and all the religious leaders want to speak to the aliens. So a meeting is set up.

Leaders from across the globe each get a turn to question the aliens. When it’s the Pope’s turn, he asks, “Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?”

“You mean J.C?” responds one of the aliens. “Yeah, we know him! He’s the greatest, isn’t he? J.C. swings by every year to make sure that we are doing okay.”

The Pope is flabbergasted, as are the rest of the dignitaries. After a few awkward moments the Pope follows up by asking, “He visits every year?! It’s been more than two millennia for us, and we’re still awaiting his SECOND coming!”

The alien sees that the Pope is rattled by this, and tries to soften the blow. “Gee, I don’t know,” he replies. “Maybe he likes our chocolates better than yours?”

“Chocolates? What are you talking about?” the Pope says, incredulously. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, when J.C. first visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates,” the alien says. “Why? What did you guys do?”


The World Of Unanticipated Consequences

With Justice Kennedy retiring, and Doofus getting ready to appoint Ted Nugent (or some other legal genius) to the Supreme Court, many people (myself included) are fearing the reversal of Roe v Wade.

Welcome to the part of the show we call “The World Of Unanticipated Consequences.”

If the evangelicals get their fevered wet dream, if Roe is reversed and abortion is outlawed, what will be the consequence? Simple, really, if you think about it:

MASSIVE TAX INCREASES IN ALL 50 STATES.

States will need to prepare for large tax increases that will be needed to build new schools and hire more teachers.

States have gotten used to low birth rates. The tax increases will need to start on the very day abortions are outlawed, because finding the land and building the new schools will take time.

Increased budgets for hiring more teachers will be needed in five to six years. That should also be included in the planning.

So outlawing abortions will lead to massive tax increases. Hope you’re ready for that, right wingers.

This has been “The World Of Unanticipated Consequences.”


For those who need their names


Joke of the day.

A man and woman are dining in a restaurant. They’re obviously in love, and things are becoming serious in their relationship.

A violinist is playing romantic music. The lights in the restaurant are dimmed down low.

The man fidgets nervously and says, “Honey, I’m.. ah, I’m not sure how to say this.”

The woman smiles, holds back some tears, and responds, “Just say it.”

The man picks up a bottle from the table and says, “Wor-Chester-Shire.”


“Not all us (Republicans, evangelicals, conservatives) are like that.”

“I believe you. But many, many of them are. And if you want people to see that not all of your group is like that, you might want to confront the worst factions of your group rather than trying to distance yourself from them.”


Waiting.

 

militia


Slightly tasteless joke of the day.

A man comes home from work early one afternoon, and to his surprise, finds his wife in bed with another man. To retain his honor he grabs two pistols from above the mantel and tells the man, “If you want my wife that much, you need to be willing to die for her. I challenge you to a duel.”

The other man accepts the challenge. They go into another room and close the door. Then the husband whispers to the other man:

“Actually, nobody needs to get hurt. Let’s shoot into the air, and pretend we’re both dead. We’ll see who my wife runs to first, and find out which one of us she loves more.”

So they both shoot into the air and lay down on the floor. The wife bursts into the room, sees the men lying on the floor, and shouts over her shoulder:

“Honey, you can come out now – they’re both dead!”