The lesser-known Marx Brothers.

Some friends and I were riffing on this the other day: the unknown Marx Brothers.

Hash Marx – The family stoner, along with Hi Marx

Stretch Marx – The tallest one in the family

Punctuation Marx – Script editor

Check Marx – He kept the books

Registration Marx – Civil rights advocate

Pock Marx – The dermatologist

Skid Marx – Suffered from incontinence

Water Marx – Had a similar problem

Chalk Marx- Homicide detective

Nose Marx – The dog of the family

Bench Marx – Never was put in the game

Ear Marx – Someone was always giving him money

Bite Marx – A bit of a perv

Deutsch Marx – Their German cousin

Den Marx – Their Scandinavian cousin

Hall Marx – He never forgot a birthday

X Marx – Who didn’t like to be put on the spot

Scuff Marx – Never polished his shoes

Book Marx – He liked to bet on the ponies

Re Marx – He wouldn’t shut up

Trade Marx – Very possessive about his inventions

Birth Marx – Easy to spot when sunbathing

Land Marx – Led the way on expeditions

Beauty Marx – The family transvestite

Pencil Marx – Worked as a police sketch artist

Onya Marx – Their little-known Olympian sister

Post Marx – He always delivered

Guy Marx-Khin – Tattoo artist who married into the family

 


Workplace humor.

This morning we discussed a grant proposal for the Indian Community Development Block Grant. The ICDBG.

I said, that sounds like something you’d say if you spotted Barry Gibb.

“I C D B G!”


Slightly risqué joke of the day

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish when she went to see her gynecologist. “Now, now,” the doctor told the woman. “I’ve been your doctor for years. There’s nothing you can’t tell me.”

“I don’t know,” she said. “This one is kind of strange.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing I haven’t heard before,” the doctor replied soothingly. “Please tell me.”

“Well, okay,” the woman began. “Yesterday morning I went to the bathroom, and I heard a sound, plink-plink-plink, in the bowl. I took a look, and the water was full of pennies.”

“I see,” said the doctor. “Go on.”

“That afternoon I went to the bathroom again, and plink-plink-plink, the water was full of nickels,” she continued. “Before bed I went again. And plink-plink-plink, the water was full of dimes.”

“Interesting,” said the doctor. “Anything else?”

“Oh, yes,” she replied. “Just this morning I went again, and plink-plink-plink, the water was full of quarters! Doctor, you’ve got to tell me what’s wrong! I’m scared out of my wits!”

The doctor put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “There, there,” he reassured her. “It’s nothing to be scared about…”

“You’re simply going through the change.”


“Canada. It’s YUUUUUUGE.”

“I love Canada. I’m very popular there, believe me. The people love me. They welcome me into their igloos. And we share glasses of maple syrup. It’s excellent. It’s the best. But, folks, they have a country full of foreigners right in the middle. They all speak French, you have no idea what they’re saying. Although I’m sure many of them are good people, I think they should build a wall around it, just until they know what the hell is going on. I look forward to meeting with their new President, Justin Bieber.”


Help us help you, Donald.

hillary-hurt-you


Donald J. Trump, Will You Please Go NOW!

51l0ni45amlThe time has come.
The time is now.
Just go. Go. GO!
I don’t care how.

You can go by foot.
You can go by cow.
Donald J. Trump, will you please go now!

You can go on skates.
You can go on skis.
You can go in a hat.
But please go.
Please!

I don’t care.
You can go by bike.
You can go by Trump Airlines if you like.
If you like you can go in an old blue shoe.
Just go, go, GO!
Please do, do, DO!

Donald J. Trump, I don’t care how.
Donald J. Trump, will you please GO NOW!

You can go by balloon……or zeppelin.
OR You can go by camel with a Muslim guide.
You can go by school bus……or jet.
I don’t care how you go.
Just GET!

Get a witches’ broom.
You can go with a……………..BOOM!
Donald, Donald, Donald!
Will you leave this room!

Donald J. Trump!
I don’t care HOW.
Donald J. Trump!
Will you please GO NOW!

I said GO and GO I prayed….
The time had come.
BUT…Donald STAYED.


The Art Of Parody

“Little Douche Coupe”

Well, I’m not bragging, man, so don’t put me down
But everyone I know thinks I’m a real ass clown
When I get into my car, you know, I don’t even try
If I see you need a lift, I just wave bye-bye
It’s my little douche coupe
You don’t know what I got

Just a little douche coupe, man, as you can see
The stereo plays nothing but Kenny G
When I pull in front of you, man, I become a jerk
I drive super-duper slow to make you late for work
It’s my little douche coupe
You don’t know what I got

It’s got a combination clutch and four-on-the-floor
And late at night I rev the engine right by your front door
And if that ain’t enough to make you flip your lid
There’s one more thing, I got a big sub-woofer

I park in handicapped, though I walk just great
And I always blast my horn when picking up my date
And just in case you think that I’m a caring chump
Bumper sticker on the back says I’m voting for Trump
It’s my little douche coupe
You don’t know what I got