I hate meetings.

I really, really do. They’re an unnecessary time waster, they interrupt momentum that could be directed toward more pressing tasks, there are many more innovative methods these days for communicating information, and the people who actually LIKE the meetings do everything they can to pad them out to the inconvenience of others.

I know I’m not alone in this. I’m sure there are many others in my office who also dislike meetings. I’m thinking of identifying these people and scheduling a time where we can all sit down together and share our thoughts and feelings. I’m considering reserving a conference room for this, and sending out emails to all concerned letting them know about this event. I’ll create an agenda that lists all the aspects we want to discuss about our aversion to meetings. We’ll ask someone to write down everything that is said, and later send these notes out to all participants to review in advance of an additional gathering. Additions or subtractions to this list of concerns will be submitted ahead of time so that the group can decide to accept or deny them. Maybe there’s even a book available that lists out rules of order that we can follow.

Oh wait


If the biggest problem in your life

Image from wonkette.com

Image from wonkette.com

is the design an international food chain put on its holiday cups –

– you need to drop to your knees each morning and give thanks to Jesus for allowing you a life that is so blessed and carefree that you have the luxury of –

– getting your (holiday-themed) panties in a wad about the design an international food chain put on its holiday cups.

That is all.


Well, the World Series has begun.

2015-World-Series-Logo-MLBThe traditional Fall Classic, where the best teams from the American and National Leagues vie for ultimate glory and supremacy under autumnal skies and crisp fall leaves.

And you know what THAT means –

The oldies radio stations have started playing Christmas songs.


Crocheted shorts for men.

c1


Said it before, but it bears repeating.

When I go to the bakery to pick up a birthday cake I don’t think to myself: “I’m so happy the supermarket endorses my birthday party.”

When I go to the bottle shop to pick up wine for dinner I don’t think to myself: “Thank goodness the bottle shop endorses my menu selections.”

If a couple asks a bakery to make a wedding cake, they are not asking or expecting the bakery to endorse their wedding. They’re asking the bakery to BAKE THE DAMN CAKE. That’s all. It’s arrogant for the bakery to think that doing their job constitutes endorsing or approving the marriage.

Bake the cake. DO YOUR DAMN JOB.

That is all.


Just saw an annoying Nissan Sentra commercial that brags on how loud its Bose speakers are.

Image from dbsuriname.com

Have I mentioned lately how boom cars annoy me more than just about anything in the entire goddamn world?

There really is no reason to drive a boom car except to be an obnoxious, self-centered, delayed-adolescence prick. Which this ad seems to celebrate.

 

I’m waiting for the followup commercial where he drives down my street, and I beat him to a quivering pulp with a baseball bat.

There does seem to be a direct correlation between the loudness of the boom car and the shittiness of the music. You never hear Mozart or Django Reinhardt for some reason.

Rant off.


Says it all.

wpid-weather-cartoon1.jpg

Image from bizarro (gocomics.com)

Every now and then we get a three-day weekend because it takes an extra day to fit in all the crappy weather.